Beneath your Beautiful
by AlyssaJulia
Summary: What if an undercover op went further than expected, reminding Kensi of the demons of her past? Will Deeks, her "partner", be able to help her, or will she reject him like everybody else? Yep, another one of those stories, but I couldn t resist... Will be Densi in future chapters. Not really AU, more like OOC maybe... Almost finished, therefore pretty regular updates!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Yeah. Honestly, I have no idea where that came from... One day, there was a little voice in my head telling me I should start this story... Please be nice with me, I haven´t written for months as life´s been kind of crazy, and my writing style might be horrible...Plus, even though I live in the US now, English is still not my first language and mistakes are very likely. I appreciate it if you point them out, but please do it nicely. **

**One last thing, this story is almost finished (one more chapter to write, overall about five chapters), so updates will be fairly regular!**

**Disclaimer: Neither the song nor the characters or the show belong to me. Basically, nothing belongs to me, otherwise, the show would be so fluffy that no one would want to watch it.**

**Sorry, one really last thing: Rating is a very high T, discusses mentions of rape and sex and some swear words, but nothing graphic!**

**Enjoy!**

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_You've carried on so long,_  
_You couldn't stop if you tried it._  
_You've built your wall so high_  
_That no one could climb it,_  
_But I'm gonna try._

_Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?_  
_Would you let me see beneath your perfect?_  
_Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl_  
_I wanna see inside_  
_Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?_

_Labrinth: Beneath your Beautiful_

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This was not good.

In fact, this was horrible.

Their suspect´s bodyguards came closer and closer, suspiciously eyeing the dark alley in front of them. When she felt Callen tensing up next to her, Kensi knew that they were in serious trouble. Serious, like in really, really serious with potentially deadly outcome.

From the very first moment on, this case had felt different. When Eric and Nell briefed them this morning, there had been just not enough intel. No official certificates or bank accounts that would help to clear up the shadiness surrounding the company Lockweed Security. Their head, a former marine named Nathaniel Turner, was supposedly involved in an international ring of child trafficking and drug smuggeling, at least that´s what an anonymus tip had claimed. This call to a secure NCIS line had only increased their suspicions cocnerning the case, as it was currently their only lead. Wouldn´t there have beeen a call, Kensi and Callen wouldn´t be in a dark alley behind the club where their suspect was supposedly enjoying his pastimes consisting mainly of drugs and showgirls. They went in using one of Kensi´s former aliases, a partygirl named Allison living of her sugardaddy´s credit card. However, her company for the evening had to be Callen, as Deeks had previously investigated undercover in this club, and Sam just couldn´t quite pull of the rich, but shady boyfriend number.

Kensi had felt slightly uneasy throughout the whole evening. It had been a long time since she had worked in such a deep and dangerous undercover job. And even before, she had not quite liked it. Deeks always winked at her when he was absolutely sure that no one was watching; and even if he didn´t do that, she always saw it in his eyes: no matter what they did or whom they pretended to be to get out of a situation safely, she always knew it was an act, something they would later laugh about, or, if it was truly uncomfortable and pushed their boundaries to far into personal territory, they would simply bury it and never speak of it again.

But Callen... Callen was a true professional and he had learned over the years that even the look in your eyes could sometimes decide over your fate. He was true to his fake persona, down to the last inch. And currently, their best way to get the bodyguards off their back was to fake a quite obvious scene. Because really, what else was there to do? They didn´t have enough yet to arrest them and what else could a nicely dressed couple do in the dark alley behind the club?

As the men came into their sight, Callen turned towards her and without quite meeting her eyes, he pressed his lips to hers and started to kiss her deeply. While his hands began to roam her body and eventually slipped underneath the hem of her dress, his mouth attacked her neck. For the sake of their cover, she threw her head back against the brick wall and moaned loudly, but deep inside her, Kensi felt fear. Although she had previously used her body to convince men of certain illusions, no matter if it was faking sex with Deeks or making out with a suspect to obtain important information, she had come to be hesitant towards such measures lately. Too much was buried deep inside her that hardly anyone knew about.

_Pay attention, you loon,_ she scolded herself. _It´s just Callen and now you´ve kind of a bigger problem over there. _

Yet she couldn´t help but startle slightly as she heard Callen whispering in her ear, "Kens, you got visual? I can´t see them."

"Yeah, they are coming closer, but very slowly." And after a moment she added, "Keep up the show."

As any good agent, Callen needed no further instructions. He knew that he had to trust her judgement and did the only thing he could in his current position. He kept up the show.

By the time the bodyguards started to call attention to themselves, Callen had seen way too much of his junior agent´s body for his liking and Kensi got a sense of what prostitutes must feel like as she let him do how he pleased with her body while she had to focus on her job, which also included the need to supress her instincts and stay exactly where she was.

"Hey lovebirds, didn´t make it to the next room?" the bulkier one of the bodyguards called out.

Still avoiding her gaze, Callen turned around pretending to be a man deeply annoyed by intruders that spoiled his catch of the evening. He was careful to hide any relief he inwardly felt as he could finally stop almost attacking the stiff and fearful woman next to him.

"You got nothing better to do than interrupting people who just wanna have some fun?"

"Don´t you dare and get cheeky, loverboy. I saw you in the club and directly knew something wasn´t right. Have never seen you around here before and the second you enter you get your hands on one of the hottest chicks around here? That´s not right man, that´s just not right."

Kensi had enough, she just wanted to get out of here, away from Callen´s body that was still pressed against hers. "Did it never cross your minds that _I_ might have chosen him?" She used her best sultry voice and continued, "I tend to enjoy men that possess certain further qualities... Not just the good looks."

Immediately catching up on her, Callen added "See, jerks, I paid good money to get that girl. And I also paid good money to have some fun in that club. You can tell your boss that, in my opinion, the mojitos are quite a bit to expensive, but I really need to go now. The night´s still young, right?" With that, he turned his back to them, sensing that they believed his story and, still playing his part, he grabbed Kensi´s wrist, roughly shoving her away.

Continuing their act until they were sure they weren´t followed, Kensi and Callen quickly made their way towards the pick up, where Sam and Deeks were waiting. Feeling embarrassed and almost on the verge of a breakdown, Kensi was eternally grateful that Deeks was sitting in the backseat so that she wouldn´t have to sit next to Callen.

"Hey, you guys ok?" Sam asked, concern evident in his voice. "We lost visual and audio when you were back there in the alley. G, what happened?"

"It´s ok. Pretended to be only interested in each other and convinced them that we had nothing on our mind except the obvious. Our covers weren´t blown, but going back tonight makes no sense, so let´s just drive back, ok?"

His tone made it clear that Callen absolutely did not want to talk about it. Meanwhile, Kensi felt silent gratefulness as she hadn´t realised that Callen had turned of audio and cameras while being back in the alley. At least Sam and Deeks hadn´t been part of their little make-out session, too. Nevertheless, she felt her partner´s worried gaze upon her face all the time during their ride back to headquarters.

Once there, Kensi hurried to get rid of her dress and get back into a comfortable sweater and a pair of jeans. Intead of even starting her paperwork, she vowed to come in early tomorrow morning and left the building before the others even realised where she was headed. Even when they noticed, though, both Sam and Deeks didn´t worry much, given that it was already close to 3 am in the morning.

Only Callen looked after her retreating figure, silently wishing he could turn back the clock for a few hours. Back in the alley, he had registered how she had become all detachted and stiff. Of course, what they had to do was uncommon and might create some awkard moments in the near future, but her reaction made him wonder if there was more to that than the simple uneasiness that every agent felt when personal and professional mixed in order to sell a cover. After all, they hadn´t really done anything; he himself had seen her and Deeks taking thing way further than that. _Maybe she´s just tired and wanted to avoid any awkward debriefing conversations with Hetty. _He let it go with this final thought and instead concentrated hanging back his suit so as to avoid any anger imposed on him by Hetty because of a ruined piece of garment he couldn´t care less about.

Meanwhile, Kensi enjoyed a hot shower to ease some of her strained and still tense muscles. After turning off the hot water and stepping out of the shower, her gaze fell on the reflection of her naked body in the mirror. Stepping closer, she discovered a few light bruises on her shoulder and along her collarbone where Callen had kissed her. Turning around, her suspicions where confirmed. In order to sell their cover, Callen had gripped her waist pretty hard, a place where she now saw another bruise forming. Although those were nothing compared to some other injuries she had sustained in her career as an agent, they triggered some deeply hidden memories within her.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Thanks to everyone who has reviewed, favorited or followed! You make me smile like a crazy person:-) So, without further babbling, here comes chapter 2!**

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_You tell all the boys "No"_

_Makes you feel good, yeah._

_I know you're out of my league_

_But that won't scare me away, oh, no_

_Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?_

_Would you let me see beneath your perfect?_

_Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl_

_I wanna see inside_

_Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?_

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Unfortunately, the following days didn´t exactly become easier for Kensi. No, they got worse. Their suspect, Nathaniel Turner, turned out to be a high-profile criminal who had set up an international human trade ring while disguising his traces through his company´s business. Although the team figured that out pretty quickly, it took another hook up for Kensi - this time with the suspect himself – and, as if that wasn´t enough, a dangerous fight between herself and the suspect to finally nail him down.

Coming back to headquarters after getting a confession out of Turner, a huge pile of paperwork awaited them. Instead of going into the details of her maybe somewhat overly violent hand-to-hand combat, Kensi headed to the gym to punch this case out of her memory. Indeed, after a few rounds she felt a little bit better. Exactly until the moment Callen walked in.

"Kensi." The way he approached, she didn´t like it. He acted as if he was trying to calm a nervous animal.

"I´m fine. Just didn´t sleep enough in the last week."

"Come on, everybody knows that you´re not fine. I´d leave you to deal with it, but I need you to be on top of your game. That fight today? That was wrong, Kensi, you should have waited for us to back you up. Not to mention the fact that, if Deeks hadn´t pulled you away, you probably would have killed that guy! Ever since that night you have been acting strange. And that´s just not possible, we need to be able to rely on you!"

Kensi felt her insides twist painfully. If she was entirely honest to herself, she knew that her behavior in the last couple of days hadn´t been textbook. Yet, she was the queen of denial. "I have no idea what you are talking about. I gained the trust of our suspect, received all necessary information and neutralized him. Sounds pretty much like textbook to me." However, she should have known that this wouldn´t convince him.

Because apparently, Callen´s patience was wearing thin, "You know what? Maybe you should take the rest of the week off. I don´t need you in here with that kind of an attitude. You got too close in this case. But it is finished now, and you need to walk away, get it out of your system!"

Feeling the anger boiling inside her, Kensi grabbed her sports bag and attempted to push past Callen, all the while muttering, "Of course. Just like you do. Push it all away to keep up the charade, ignoring all that has happened."

Upon hearing this, Callen quickly grabbed her wrist and held onto it although she tried to brush past him. "So this is about the kiss.", he stated. "Do you think I liked that? Of course I would have preferred another way to get out of there. But sometimes you gotta do what you have to do! And it has never been a big deal before! I mean, we have kissed before to get out of a tough situation! What´s your problem now?"

Instead of answering him, Kensi used her self-defense skills to quickly free her wrist from his grab and rushed through the main area of the office, hastily making her way to the exit and leaving a stunned Sam and Deeks behind.

"G, what was that all about? What´s wrong with her?" asked Sam while Deeks still watched the doors through which Kensi had just left.

"I have no idea.", was all Callen offered before disappearing in the direction of Hetty´s desk.

Deeks felt the strong urge to follow his partner, but he knew her well enough to know that, right now, she wouldn´t want to talk and he´d just get hurt for even trying to. Besides, Hetty wouldn´t be too pleased either. So he decided to finish his paperwork as quickly as possible and talk to her later.

A couple of hours later, he stood in front of her door, Chinese take-out in his hands. And, as if she had waited for him (what she probably had done), Kensi opened the door after a few seconds. Silently, she allowed him to enter and helped him to place the take-out on her table, which was, considering the amount of stuff piling up, not that easy.

As he settled himself on her couch (still not speaking), Kensi realized that he probably knew exactly what this was about. After all, he was the one who knew her best, he was the one who woke her from her nightmares, and he was the one who had experienced himself how trapped in memories she could become. He knew her. And right now, he wouldn´t stop asking until he got the answers he wanted.

"So, what happened behind the club?" He decided to cut right through and hoped that she would do the same, without hiding behind her `I´m fine´- mask. And to his suprise, she did.

"Bodyguards were coming closer, we had no where to go. So, Callen did the most logical, and started the whole `guy paid for a night of fun´-show. He started kissing me. Unfortunately, the guys enjoyed the show and we had to take it quite far, further than planned." She heard his sharp intake of breath, but she knew that she had to keep going, or otherwise she´d never finish. "Finally they interrupted us, and we could convince them that we weren´t looking for trouble, not at that moment and also not before, in the club. They believed us and we got away. So technically, nothing happenend, and still, I couldn´t get it out of my head."

"Kens, I get that. I understand that you were bothered, especially with what has happened to you. But when we go undercover and have to become intimate, you never seem to mind that much. Or am I wrong?" Deeks was at a loss here. He had no idea how to comfort his beautiful partner next to him.

"No, you´re not wrong. But Deeks, you are my partner. Even if we leave all the personal stuff aside, I still know you. I know what you are thinking, especially if we are undercover. But Callen..." Kensi trailed off, not knowing how to explain without making it sound like she didn´t trust her friend and superior agent. "He´s a professional and when he is undercover, nothing about him suggests he might be someone else, not even his eyes. I was used to that, but after working for such a long time with you, when one look in your eyes is enough to reassure me that you still have my back, that you would never hurt me... I freaked out. And besides, it was the first time after what had happened with Lt. Bride, that I was so close to another man besides you."

Finishing her ranting, Kensi took a deep breath and tried desperately to hold herself together. Unintentionally, she had just not only admitted a lot more personal stuff than she ever wanted, she had also touched the subject of her complicated relationship with Deeks. The latter one tried to keep up with all she just said, but basically, it was one thing that stuck with him: _She trusts you. Better not fuck this up. _But instead of running scared like he had so many times in the past, he took the challenge.

"Listen, Kensi..." But that was all he could say before she interrupted him. "No, please, Deeks. I... I don´t want to hear how you´re sorry for what happened to me or how I should trust Callen, or even how all I just said will affect us. Just... Just make me forget, ok? I wan´t to get them off my skin, just make me forget." She didn´t care that she begged right now. She knew he would understand, like he had so many times before.

And he did. Without saying another word, he leaned forward and kissed her slowly. After a few minutes, he picked her up and carried her towards her bedroom, never stopping to kiss her. For tonight, all he could do was to tell her through his actions that he loved her and that he would never use or hurt her.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: I´m sorry, guys, I know I promised regular updates... So, I posted this chapter to not let anyone wait any longer, but there might be some typos since I didn´t have the time to edit a lot. Thanks to everybody who reviewed!**

**Disclaimer: Disclaimed. Nothing belongs to me.**

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_You let all the girls go_

_Makes you feel good, don't it?_

_Behind your Broadway show_

_I heard a boy say, "Please, don't hurt me"_

_Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?_

_Would you let me see beneath your perfect?_

_Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl_

_I wanna see inside_

_Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?_

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The next morning, Deeks woke up because he felt somewhat trapped. Opening his eyes, he couldn´t help but chuckle at the sight before him. Kensi was spread out, claiming almost all of her bed´s limited space, while her head rested on his right arm and her hands were folded on his bare chest. After feeling him underneath her, Kensi opened her eyes and met his loving gaze.

"Good morning, sunshine. Judging from your very comfortable position here, I take it that you have slept very well?"

Kensi smiled as her hands started to roam his body, "Oh yeah, that´s what you are assuming? Well, I can assure you that I have indeed rested exceptionally well. What about you?"

Matching her flirtatious tone, Deeks answered "Oh, never better, you know, I think I have developed quite a fondness of your cute little snores. Means I´m getting used to them. The only thing that bothers me is that I have to get up for work soon, while your little outburst against Callen got you a free week."

His smile told her that he was playing it nice, he obviously wanted to avoid any too serious talk in the morning, and yet he was trying to gauge her reaction, see if she was still in her meltdown-state from yesterday evening. "Don´t worry, Deeks. I´ll be fine. Sex with you always seems to bring me back down to earth." Kensi couldn´t help but to fall back into their flirty banter.

"Oh, I´m so gonna take that as a compliment! I´m the linchpin of your world, because everything else you might have implied would be downright insulting, just so you know. Because under normal circumstances, this...", Deeks´ finger pointed back and forth between the two of them, "should be downright amazing and lifting you up from earth."

"The problem is just that we normally don´t sleep with each other under normal circumstances. Just if at least one of us is freaking out or was life-threatened."

Deeks smile was still teasing her, but his eyes were getting more serious. "Maybe it´s time to change that."

"Maybe." Kensi agreed lightly, even though they could both feel her heart beating faster.

"Ok, officially getting up right now!" With his usual drama, Deeks managed to get off the bed and walk towards her bathroom. Kensi got up as well and made them breakfast. While eating, Deeks felt like he should address last night, but somehow, he just couldn´t find the right words. So he just decided to leave after giving her a deep kiss. Hell, they had always been with actions than with words. "Maybe we should go out tonight, you know, instead getting the food to us, we could go for the food this time."

"Deeks, are you asking me for a date?"

"Well, if you insist..." Deeks attempted to address her formally, but was quickly interrupted by another kiss. "No, don´t even go there... Sounds like a good idea, though."

"Ok", he beamed, "I´ll see you tonight then."

After arriving at headquarters, Deeks attempted to visit Hetty in her office, but before he even got there, Callen intervened.

"Deeks, I need to talk to you for a second." Without any further comment, he lead the way towards an empty room full of filing cabinets. _Great, let´s go for the funny stuff. This is gonna be interesting. I´m taking one for you here, Kensi. _Deeks thought as he obediently followed Callen.

After closing the door, Callen turned towards the Detective. "Do you know what´s going on with Kensi?" he demanded to know, cutting right to the important stuff. Deeks did not reply immediately, but rather took a moment to watch the older man.

"Ok, this is not my story to tell, but I know that you need to know and Kensi won´t tell you." Deeks took another breath before he started. "You remember her fiancé, Jack? He suffered from PTSD after a tour in Afghanistan, but they stayed together for another three months until he left on Christmas Eve. It´s just that she never was entirely honest about how he left. In fact, he didn´t just leave, but left because he had assaulted her twice before, and on Christmas Eve, he had a moment of regret which caused him to leave. She never told me what exactly happened, but from what I gathered he did rape her."

Deeks risked a short glance in Callen´s direction and wasn´t surprised to find the anger of an older brother written across his face. Nevertheless, he wasn´t yet finished.

"Just as the Kensi we know, she buried everything inside her and never really dealt with it. Until a few months ago." For a second, Deeks was unable to continue. He couldn´t have done anything to change her past with Jack, that was way before their time. But what he was about to tell Callen was an incident that had happened during their time as partners. _You should have been there. You should have had her back._ This nagging voice in the back of his head would probably never disappear again.

"What happened Deeks?" To his great surprise, Callen´s voice sounded hesitant, almost afraid, and Deeks suddenly realised that as their leader, Callen would probably also feel guilty very soon.

"Do you remember Lt. Bride? We arrested him for the assault of several women as well as burglary."

"Right. He incapacitated them before raping them and stealing their jewelry. But Kensi claimed that when she was undercover, all that happened was that he intended to rape her, but she took him out before he could do anything."

Deeks sighed. _I´m sorry, Kensi. _He thought before telling her Senior Field Agent that she had lied to all of them. "The moment he started to get to her, she had a flashback to Jack. She told me it was the first time something like this had happenend, but it was still enough for Lt. Bride to get the upper hand. As far as I know, she was able defend herself before it got really bad. Still, she had a couple of nice bruises and was pretty shaken. She couldn´t tell you, though. She didn´t want to appear helpless or as if she couldn´t do the job."

Callen´s face had turned more and more serious, as he watched Deeks telling him his partner´s story. He couldn´t believe how much he actually had missed. Not only that his junior agent had almost been raped by a suspect, but also how close the two of them had become. Deeks knowing this whole story and, at the same time feeling confident enough to share it with him made Callen wonder how close exactly they were. Yet, he decided to address the easier topic first.

"I know that Kensi is capable of doing her job. But that doesn´t make it okay to keep something so important secret. We need to be more careful concerning her undercover work. Any job that could lead to another flashback needs to be avoided! Do you even realize how dangerous it was not to tell me or Hetty what had actually happened?"

Deeks wanted to say something, but was interrupted by Callen, "I will have to discuss that with Hetty and Kensi herself. This is nothing you need to be involved in."

His legs had become tired from the long standing, but Deeks did not move. This was too important and also long overdue. He said, "I understand, Callen, believe me, I do. I know that she is having more problems than she shows. I also have no idea why she reacted the way she did in that alley. From all she told me... My best guess would be that she was startled as you appeared to her like a real threat and no longer as an agent."

Callen chose not to reply to that comment. He needed to talk to her about that in person. She was his friend, after all. Right now, there was one last thing he wanted to know.

"So, let´s leave this whole story aside for a moment. Why exactly do you know all of this? Last time I checked, Kensi was still the badass, secretive agent we all know. What has changed between the two of you?"

Deeks sighed. He hated those kinds of talks. But he also knew that Callen hated them as well. He must be really curious to ask such a personal question. The only problem was really that Deeks was pretty sure Callen wouldn´t like the answer. So, he tried one last time to get out of here, "You really want to ask that? Because for all you know, we could be Mr. and Mrs. Smith by night, or, even better, Bonnie and Clyde. And you know Kensi, we could totally do that, right? Oh, I can imagine that all to clearly, the two of us, all alone in the woods, chased by the bad guys... Although, no, not the woods. Maybe Mr. and Mrs. Smith would be the better choice here..."

But one word from Callen was enough to stop his feeble attempt of avoiding a real answer. "Deeks!"

"Oh really, why do I have to do all of the hard stuff? Okay, don´t kill me, yeah? Kensi and I... Listen, I am sleeping with her. But it´s no big deal, you know? We are not going to marry next weekend! For all I know, we are not eve a real couple."

Callen was glad that years as an agent had trained him to avoid showing any emotion. Otherwise, he´d be rapidly switching between anger and astonishment now. Instead of freaking out, he turned their not so little conversation in the storage room into an interrogation: "So what? She´s just another girl for you? Sorry, but I don´t believe that."

But he hadn´t expect Deeks to thwart his plans like this.

"No, she´s not. She is important to me and I won´t give her up. But we need time, we need time to figure things out before we´ll do the whole romantic-sunset-dinner thing."

Callen obviously wanted to say more, but he was atopped by his ringning cell phone. "Yeah, Eric, what´s up?"

"Hetty wants to see you in OPS, ASAP. Also Deeks, if he´s still alive, of course." Without answering, Callen hung up and rolled his eyes. "Hetty thinks we spent enough time locked into one room. Let´s go."


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I know I promised regular updates. Guess that´s just something I can´t do... I´m sorry, but finals are approaching and my work load is a little bit crazy right now... Whatever. Just enjoy this chapter, I hope it lives up to your expectations. **

**A huge THANK YOU to everyone who has reviewed, favorited or followed... Keep it coming!**

**Unfortunately I haven´t written the final chapter yet, and it will probably take some time, since I need to get back into the story again... Don´t expect it anytime soon, but if you think something should be addressed in this final chapter, I´m open for suggestions;-)**

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_I'm gonna climb on top your ivory tower_

_I'll hold your hand and then we'll jump right out_

_We'll be falling, falling but that's OK_

_'Cause I'll be right here_

_I just wanna know_

_Would you let me see beneath your beautiful?_

_Would you let me see beneath your perfect?_

_Take it off now, girl, take it off now, girl_

_I wanna see inside_

_Would you let me see beneath your beautiful tonight?_

_#####################################################################################################_

Later that day, Deeks returned to Kensi´s apartement, bringing the usual take-out with him. However, he had company.

"Kensalina, I´m home! Brought food with me." Callen, the unannounced visitor, smiled softly. He figured that he´d have to get used to them sounding so _domestic_ around each other. Seconds later, he could hear the bedroom door open and braced himself for the impact.

"Deeks, why are you home so early? Couldn´t they stand your company any longer, hm? I guess...", seeing that Deeks had not come home alone, Kensi stopped in midsentence and stared at Callen. And then, the ninja assassin in her broke free.

"Deeks! How dare you do that! Why can´t you call like a normal person?"

Deeks winced slightly and said in an apologetic tone, "Kens, please. It was his idea and you know him, he threatened me to not call you. It was totally him, I´m the innocent victim here!"

"Secret text message? Hidden code word?", was Kensi´s snarky reply.

Callen decided that it was time to intervene before he´d be the cause of all tragedy and had to explain to Hetty why one of his agents had decided to kill their liaison officer. And, judging from Kensi´s glare, that wasn´t exactly exaggerating.

"Kensi. All I wanted to do was to talk to you. I used Deeks as a pretense, because I knew that otherwise, I´d never be able to catch you."

Deeks, secretly relieved that Kensi´s attention shifted from him to Callen, made his way into the kitchen. Unless he heard any unsettling noises (such as Callen being strangled), he wouldn´t intervene. When Callen had decided to join him for the evening, leaving a pouting Sam behind, Deeks actually admired his stubbornness. It took a lot of courage to face an angry and embarrassed Kensi to talk about her private life, and Callen took a leap at it. On the other hand, the two of them really needed to talk. Coming into a close-knit team as an outsider had been incredibly hard for him, but it also gave him the possibility to watch them closely. What had always fascinated him was the interaction among the three of them. Sure, they were all close and Eric or Nell could also tell by one look that something was not right with one of them, but Kensi, Sam and Callen shared another level of trust that could only result from the necessity of relying on one another at a daily basis. But his assumptions had been wrong. They also appreciated each other´s company and took their friendship beyond the professional level. He knew that Kensi oftentimes felt like the third wheel, but that was mostly because Sam and Callen thought of her as the little sister that always had to be protected, no matter how good she was at defending herself. And right now, this balance was off. It had started when he and Kensi had become closer, so close that Sam and Callen were the ones that felt left outside. Even more difficult was the unease between Callen and Kensi right now. Deeks sighed deeply. _This is going to be a long evening, _he thought as he took a bottle of beer from the fridge.

Meanwhile, Kensi and Callen had settled somewhat awkwardly on the couch. Kensi dreaded the following talk. Although she had a lot of respect for Callen and loved him in a sisterly manner, they had never really shared anything personal, that´s just not who they are.

She decided to start and said in a low voice, "I guess Deeks told you about Jack and Lt. Bride."

"Yeah, he did. I´m sorry, Kensi, for what you had to go through. I wish I could arrest Bride again, only this time I wouldn´t be so friendly. And Jack... I wish I could beat him up for what he did to you."

Kensi chuckled, "Deeks would be the first one to get him, believe me. It took a lot of convincing on my part to keep him from using NCIS technology means to try and find him. But I don´t want him to be found. He was a good guy, but Afghanistan had changed him. I just hope he got the help he needed."

Although it might seem weird, Callen understood what she said. They chased criminals like him on a daily basis, but when it was someone close to your heart, you could sometimes only shut your eyes and hope that someone else did the job. It was a way of self-protection.

"I know, Kensi. I wouldn´t bring it up if I didn´t thought it was necessary." To her surprise, Callen looked... nervous, and even guilty. "I´m sorry, Kens. I didn´t mean to scare you in that alley. I thought about it all day and wondered why you could be so afraid if I had seen you on multiple occasions in the last months, flirting with suspects, bantering with Deeks, kissing Deeks, almost making out with a serial killer... But then I remebered what Deeks said, that I looked to you like a real threat. And I remebered how Deeks looks at you when you are undercover. But I can´t do it like him. I simply cannot use you like that and still let myself be there in that moment. I need to _be_ that person I have to play. Otherwise, lines could get blurred." He had to fight himself to not drop his head in his hands. Instead, he held her gaze as long as both of them could stand, trying to convey his message with his eyes as well.

"I know. I shouldn´t have reacted like that. It´s just... With Deeks, I know him so well, I know exactly what he´ll do in the next second. And our suspects, they are also predictable. For the sake of my mission, I pretend them to be bad all throughout, so that there will be no bad suprises and I´m prepared for everything. But with you, in that second, the lines got blurred. I was surprised how fast you switched from being the friend and agent I know and trust to the badass man trying to take advantage of me. From Jack, I learned it the hard way that those quick transformations are indicators of something much worse to come."

They both trailed off into silence. Callen knew that he wasn´t the right person for her to discuss her trauma with. She needed to do that with other persons, one of them currently "giving them the space they needed" or also cowardly hiding in the kitchen until the storm was over.

"Maybe you should talk to someone about it. Because there will be further surprises and I can´t promise that this was the last time for the two of us. After all, I´m much more suitable for a night club than Shaggy will ever be."

From the kitchen, Deeks called, "Although I´m not listening because I totally respect other people´s privacy, I definitely heard that."

Kensi couldn´t help but laugh out loud. Half a year ago, she wouldn´t even be able to imagine having such a conversation within the vicinity of her noisey partner, but since then, things had obviously changed a lot.

"You know, Callen, I did talk about it with Nate. Maybe I will call him again. I could use his help."

Callen smiled. _Maybe Deeks´ influence on her wasn´t that bad after all. _"That´s good to hear. Until then, take it out on Deeks, he could use some discipline."

Deeks took this opportunity to come out of the kitchen again. Even though Kensi scowled at him, he stood close beside her, and, after hesitating for a second, he took her hand, which, to Callen´s great surprise she did accept.

"But once I see the two of you making out in the office even more than you already have done in the past years, I´m gonna make you suffer a lot, before Hetty even has the chance to say a word. Is that clear?" His voice might have been stern, but deep inside him, he was happy for them. He knew that they would have to face a lot of challenges and personal demons, but he was also sure, that if two people could make it work, then it would be the two of them.

Both Kensi and Deeks saw the the hidden amusement in his eyes, and while Kensi simply send him a silent ´thank you´with her eyes and her smile, Deeks, of course, couldn´t keep his mouth shut.

"What about the gym. Fern here likes to punch the guys a lot before she treats them nicely. And you know, I can´t really do anything about it, because...

Instead of listening to the continuing ramble, Callen made his way over to the door, calling out a last "Good night" to the unlikely pair. Oh, how he couldn´t wait to see Sam´s face in the morning...


End file.
